Ten Ways to Improve Your Game With the Ladies

Building attraction in women is all about the right things while avoiding the wrong. Depending on what you do on a date she can either fall in love with you in moments or pick up a phone call from a friend bailing her out.

Here is a list of the right things to do:

1. Stop saying just kidding after telling a joke that is a little insulting

You were doing great by insulting her and keeping it funny but you blew it the second just kidding came out of your mouth. Unless you were out for blood when you told the joke there is no need to let her know you weren’t being serious.

When you follow your joke up with just kidding the only thing she hears is I’m sorry, please, please, please don’t disapprove of me, you still like me right?  You think nothing of it but she hears all of that when you speak those two detrimental little words-just kidding. It’s obvious that you were just joking and there is no need to say it unless you fear her getting upset.

With two words you have told her and everyone else that you fear not being liked. Women don’t want men who are affected by the opinions of others. They want men who apologize to no one and put little value on what other people think.

Ultimately you want to get to a place where you don’t care what other people think of you but that takes time. For now, just start by eliminating the phrase ‘just kidding’ and become comfortable with the idea that women might get upset by what you say.

It’s the fear of disapproval that causes women to lose attraction for men. I get away with jokes and insults that most people would get scolded for because of how congruent I am. I stick to my guns and could care less if the girl gets upset or walks away. It’s my complete disregard for their approval that allows me to get away with anything while creating more and more attraction.

2. Stop Asking if she is ok

Asking if someone is ok when they are visibly upset or crying is fine but asking a girl if she is ok during a date is not. When you are out on a date with a girl and you ask her if she is ok,  she feels your neediness. You are basically asking her if she is still attracted to you and making sure the date is going well. You say are you ok? but she hears am I doing ok with you?

The very act of asking will cause the dynamic of the date to change. That question will actually cause her to become upset and lose attraction for her. You are worried that not everything is going as planned and your question becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

If she is not ok then she will make it very obvious. If the date isn’t going well don’t panic because it’s not that big of a deal. You check up on her because you are greatly attached to how the date will end. You worry about losing her and your plan is to correct any ‘wrong’ behaviors you are doing in order to keep her in the game.

If you are out there talking to several women a week then you won’t have to care whether or not this one goes well because another date is right around the corner.


3. Leaning back when you talk to people

Nothing spells neediness and fear like leaning in when talking to other people. Leaning in when you talk is similar to a little kid pulling on their parents shirt for attention. Seeking attention equals lack of attraction.

Become a rock when you socialize. Hold your ground and never let your upper body lean in when she talks. If there is something that you can’t quite hear, ask her to repeat herself and let her get closer to you.

This doesn’t  mean for you to become snobbish and disinterested in the person you are talking to. Aloof might seem like a good idea but it is the wrong way to go about getting women attracted to you. You will start to attract the wrong type of women if you take this route.


4. Breathing during a conversation

Interacting with women can become nerve wrecking at times. Your mind is racing, heart pulsing and your stomach feels like how it would after a bachelor party. Breathing can help you curb some of this nervousness you feel.

At first it will be very difficult to take long deep breathes when you are extremely nervous. In time you will start to anticipate that anxiety rising and you will breathe deeply to relax yourself.

Think of a time when you felt extremely comfortable and relaxed when interacting with other people. Odds are good that you were funny, smart and did all of the right things without even trying. Everything just seemed natural, didn’t it? Learn to develop that calm state through breathing deeply around women and in social situations.

5. Not saying much at all when you are talking to people

I’m sure a lot of you talk far more than you should when interacting with women. Half of what you say isn’t really important or interesting but you say it anyways. It serves to fill the conversation because you fear that oh so dreaded awkward silence. Learn to become comfortable with awkward silence.

Stop saying yeah when you can’t think of anything better to say.

Stop simply waiting your turn to speak and actually listen to the person talk.

Take a week or even a month and talk as half of much as you normally do. You will learn about a million different lessons but the most important lessons to take away are:

1. You can CHOOSE when to talk and when not to talk. Choice is powerful and power is extremely attractive to women

2. You can stop talking as much and everything will be OK. People who talk too much do so because they fear not being liked. They believe that the more they talk to more people will pay attention to them and bettering their chances of being liked.

6. Learning to hold eye contact with people

A large indicator to women that you have low self esteem and low confidence is your ability or inability to hold eye contact-it’s all in the eyes. Shy people have a very difficult time looking other people in the eyes and surprise, surprise they also do very horrible with women.

When you talk to people look them in the eyes. At first you will go overboard with this and come off as creepy but that’s ok because there is no such thing as failure. Over time you will learn to gain balance between no eye contact and too much eye contact.

Walk down the street and try to catch the eyes of any women you see. Hold that eye contact till THEY look away. If you are having difficulty  with this exercise I suggest wearing sunglasses so you can see them but they can’t see your eyes.

7.  Taking your time when you speak

There are people who naturally talk fast but a lot of this behavior is learned and thus can be unlearned. It’s a force of habit that needs to be replaced by talking very….very…slowly.

When you think of a slow talker think of James Bond. The way he introduced himself to women was extremely attractive. He had women soaking their panties within seconds and all he did was tell them his name. This would never happen if he had introduced himself like a crack head in a hurry trying to get a fix.

Take a moment to pause and breathe before saying anything. There is no need to rush when what you have to say is important.

8. Not letting people interrupt you when you talk

Dominance is attractive. Leading is attractive. Letting other people run the conversation is not. If it’s a fun conversation and people interrupt you, that can be forgiven but not when you have something worth while.

If you are trying to tell a story or make a point don’t let ANYONE, including her, interrupt you. Talking over them by raising your voice will quell any of those annoying interrupters. If they continue to do this you can stop and tell them shhh-it will get the point across.

9. Taking your hands out of your pockets and eliminating your social anxiety release

There are many ways to deal with uncomfortable situations and one of the biggest is sticking your hands in your pockets. Don’t do that. Instead of trying to release your social anxiety by closing off your body learn to relax and open up. Here are a couple of things that people do when they are nervous that they shouldn’t:

*Hands in pockets
*Looking away
*Fixing their shirt
*Fidgeting
*Playing with their cell phones

Women will feel that your nervousness and become uncomfortable . Ultimately the goal is not to be uncomfortable or nervous at all but for now you can work on dealing with your anxiety.

Most people use the above to run away from their anxiety like they have been trained to do. Embrace the awkward moments because there will be many. Learn to face your anxiety head on instead of trying to avoid it.

10. Stop Fake Laughter

How many times a day do you laugh at things that aren’t really truly funny? I’m guessing a lot because I used to do the same thing. Faking laughter happens for a couple of reasons:

1.  We are nervous
2.  We want the approval of others
3.  Giving approval to others

You are worried that the other person might feel bad about making a bad joke so you laugh out of courtesy. You fear that if you don’t laugh they won’t like you as much as they did before. Women can tell whether or not you are being genuine and laughing at bad jokes is not. They feel it and some of the attraction will be lost along the way.

If you a big time offender of this act then I would suggest not laughing at any jokes for a short while to balance things out. Maybe give them a smile so they won’t think you are a souless sociopath who can’t comprehend basic humor.

Watch this video from www.collegehumor.com to get an idea of what I’m talking about. When the girl meets the other guys and one of them asks her so, where do you work?and she responds I work at a PR firm, it’s a living the men crack up laughing. It wasn’t a funny joke but they laughed to gain her approval.

Guilty of Doing ANY of the ABOVE? Leave a comment and tell me about it

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2 Comments on “Ten Ways to Improve Your Game With the Ladies

  1.  by  alison

    Where is the sister site for the girls!

    This was such a fun insightful discovery, to stumble onto your site. I’ve browsed an hour away reading through all your articles and laughed and learned along the way. We are indeed a different species.
    Kudos to you.
    I am sharing already.

    a.girl

    •  by  Leigh (LoGun)

      Haha… I’m glad you’ve enjoyed yourself. You know what? You’re not the first girl to ask this… I’ve thought about it for a while but there is a problem: Most of what I write on here are things I’ve learned from my journey. I’ve never been a woman (I swear) so firstly, I can’t say what it’s like to be a woman and secondly, I don’t have any personal insights to share.

      If you’re interested in getting something happen, flick me an email and we can talk about life as a woman – mailbag@attractioninstitute.org

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